I have been having trouble sleeping and having annoying dreams since L left, and this leads to feeling sleepy during the day. Luckily, I don’t have too much work and I can take a rest during lunch time. Still, I have to look energetic and always wear a smile on my face, as that is the right working attitude in this position.
Living alone and cooking for one are not much fun especially when I have only come to this new place for a month and know very few people. I wanted to read a book during this time but soon I found it hard to keep reading because it is difficult to read a book in another language, and after a few days I just lost interest. Nevertheless, I decide to push myself out of my comfort zone and continue doing something uncomfortable yet beneficial to myself, for instance, keep writing this blog that probably seems too simple to other people.
Sometimes I wish I could be a few years younger, and I would think more about how to effectively use time and would make different choices. Also, I would try to be smart and not make my relationship so miserable, thus L would not have had so much adversity and we would have been happy for years. But there is no time machine and I must face the reality and do what I can to make the most of what we have. After all, we all have to leave the past in the past and live the present life in the present.
“Maybe the past is like an anchor holding us back. Maybe you have to let go of who you were to become who you will be.”