A little snail

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What kind of movie this will turn out to be…

I guess the best love is that two people fall in love after knowing each other for a while, and then they go through a lot together, through which their love grow. After that, they recognize the value of each other, enjoy each other’s company and decide to spend the rest of their life together.

After all these years, I finally find the inner peace I have been searching for but it seems a little late because I can’t fix the problem L is facing now. We have gone through so much yet we can’t afford to be happy for long. The whole love story of us is definitely a movie, although I do hope there is a happy ending in the near future, I really don’t know what kind of movie this will turn out to be.

I don’t know if “Always hope for the best” is the right way, because the higher your expectations are, the greater your depression will be when things turn out not well. However, the problem is if you don’t grab the good moments at present and instead worry about the unforeseen future, you will always feel lost and hardly be happy. I am afraid even if I try my best to live in the present and enjoy the current peaceful life, I still can’t feel secure inside, as I am hardly able to handle all those unstable matters.

Sometimes I couldn’t help but wonder, is it me or am I on the wrong track?


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Good night and make a wish…

Sometimes I feel so depressed because I can’t speak English fluently, and it really affects my work life here. I have applied for some positions of local companies but unfortunately I was turned down. Even local retail stores tend to hire local people even if it is just a cashier position. It is hard to find a job here, not to mention a job I actually like. It is not my choice and I should be grateful that I can get a casual job.

It is my fault that after all these years I still can’t figure out what I want to do in the future and what my life goals are. Now it is even harder to think about all these problems because I have to earn enough money to support my life here and then I can have choices. I want to stop thinking and just enjoy the life at the moment, as I can hardly see the future life I have expected. However, it seems irresponsible if I don’t make plans for the life ahead and live in the temporary happy castle. Life is not a fairy tale and there is hardly any “happily ever after” for me and L, although I am eager to live a simple, peaceful life and have children. It is just not gonna happen. We still have to struggle and hope one day we can finally settle down.

I know it is my choice and I have to move on no matter what, it is just that once in a while I can’t help but wonder: Will I find happiness that I have always expected in the end?

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Feel the happiness at the moment

I become lazy these days and I know I should not have such short views, but I just want to enjoy the current peaceful life and leave  all the problems behind. L always says I should make plans and try to set my goals and I wish I could figure out what I want for my future. Maybe it is better not to think too much and just feel the happiness at the moment, because life is always full of uncertainties and we should not let them spoil the precious moments.