A little snail


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Hoping for the “happily ever after”

Today I finally had some time entertaining myself but unfortunately I chose to watch the new episodes of The Vampire Diaries. I knew that this TV series has been less and less interesting and kind of losing its novelty, but I still want to see a happy ending. In the last episode of Season 5, Elena and Damon eventually faced their deep love for each other and got back together, which made me really happy as I always like seeing true love conquer all. However, in the last part of the last episode, Damon sacrificed his life for his friends, and unlike his friends who got the chances to get back to life, he was stuck in the other side which was beginning to fall apart. I couldn’t control my tears although it might seem stupid, because after all 5 seasons, he was finally a good person and was finally happy with the one he loved. It is like the universe never wanted him to be happy for long. Why it has to be made so dramatic? So there will be Season 6…I hope I can see the happy ending that I have been looking forward to before I am too old to watch this kind of TV series.

I should have seen a happy movie instead of this, because I felt the deep sorrow seeing two people in love being teared apart and I cried. I know it is only a made up story, but I begin to think of my own love story, which is somehow like a Korean movie. I never wanted so much drama in my life, yet I am lucky enough to experience a life that only appears in movies, especially Korean movies which are full of dramatic plots and happiness is always not the ending. Deep in my heart, I want to believe there is a happy ending for me and L, and I have been hoping for the “happily ever after” since I came here. However, I can’t avoid the reality for ever, sometimes I have to face the fear buried in my mind that one day we might not be living a peaceful life together because of all the unchangeable issues and the unpredictable fate. I never wanted too much, just a normal life like a lot of people is enough, still I can’t live a simple life without dramatic situations. It is true that everyone has his own issues, and if we can’t change the things that happened to us, we just have to live with them.

“When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.”


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Let go of the past and Live in the present

I have been having trouble sleeping and having annoying dreams since L left, and this leads to feeling sleepy during the day. Luckily, I don’t have too much work and I can take a rest during lunch time. Still, I have to look energetic and always wear a smile on my face, as that is the right working attitude in this position.

Living alone and cooking for one are not much fun especially when I have only come to this new place for a month and know very few people. I wanted to read a book during this time but soon I found it hard to keep reading because it is difficult to read a book in another language, and after a few days I just lost interest. Nevertheless, I decide to push myself out of my comfort zone and continue doing something uncomfortable yet beneficial to myself, for instance, keep writing this blog that probably seems too simple to other people.

Sometimes I wish I could be a few years younger, and I would think more about how to effectively use time and would make different choices. Also, I would try to be smart and not make my relationship so miserable, thus L would not have had so much adversity and we would have been happy for years. But there is no time machine and I must face the reality and do what I can to make the most of what we have. After all, we all have to leave the past in the past and live the present life in the present.

“Maybe the past is like an anchor holding us back. Maybe you have to let go of who you were to become who you will be.”


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A lovely day and Continue the bla bla bla…

 

A friend told me that, if I don’t have much expectation about myself here, I will live very comfortable. That is probably true because one can support himself easily and feel satisfied here if he can get a job of any type, as long as he don’t care about promotion. I surely do not want to put too much pressure on myself but I cannot get too comfortable with my current situation and lose ambitions because L is not that kind of person. You have to change and learn to compromise for someone you love in a relationship, and if you want to be happy you must learn how to enjoy this process. Luckily, L and I have gone through a lot and cherish each other, so we both want to make changes in order to live a happy life together.

However, language is really a great barrier when living in another country. I feel the need to improve my English after the first day at work when I listened to my supervisor joking and realized the only thing I could do was smiling, and after 3 weeks I still can’t speak fluently. How will I find a permanent job here when I cannot even speak the native language? Worse still, I don’t know the effective way to improve oral English. I listen to the radio practically everyday and sometimes watch some American TV series, however, it is hard for me to follow now because there are no subtitles. I feel stuck sometimes and wish I were naturally a native speaker…

Winter is coming and I miss L.

“The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.”